It is a late summer morning, floorboards cool under my bare feet as I make my way out to the porch with a bowl of granola in my hands. Sitting on the top step, I tuck my sun dress securely behind my knees to prevent a wayward breeze from setting the fabric fluttering up into my lap. The day is clear with the sun just peeking out from behind a bank of fluffy clouds that almost seem too lazy to move other than to shape shift every so often into distorted versions of animals or boats or some silly fictional thing. The sweet nutty flavor of my cereal mingles with the fragrance of the honeysuckle bush at the edge of the yard to create a unique sensory effect that is pleasant and calming. I can hear the song being shared between two red brown birds sitting high on the ridge of a neighbors roof. But other than the buzzing of a yellow jacket passing by and the hollow crunching sound of my own chewing, the morning is quiet. Peaceful. This is the time when my spirit smiles and I feel closest to nature. These moments make me feel as though I can turn my face toward heaven, open myself up, and communicate to God just how grateful I am to be His child; to be blessed with life on this beautiful planet that He created. My heart is full with the smallest understanding of the awesomeness of God.
Fast forward to another morning when the alarm blares violently from my nightstand. I growl in complaint only to yell out my frustration a moment later when I slam my knuckles against the clock as a result of miscalculating the location of the snooze button. Groaning bitterly, I haul my stiff limbs out from under the warm comforter and make my way, shivering, to the window. A deep sigh and even deeper frown are what I have to offer as I observe what I perceive to be a "nasty" day. The sky is gray, the clouds even grayer, and the forlorn drizzle that has been falling is just beginning to morph into an angry spitting sleet. I should know that stepping onto the bathroom scale would be a bad idea, but by the time I kick the unfortunate mechanism against the wall, it is too late to stop the pain from shooting through the offending toes. The clothes I need are still in the dirty laundry hamper. My hair is flat and lifeless, but I don’t have time to shampoo it. By the time I am ready to run my errands, the rain is coming down in heavy sheets, and I want to scream when I realize that the umbrella is in the car! Moments later, settled in the drivers seat, drenched and miserable, tears of self pity mingle with raindrops on my cheeks as the dashboard blinks at me that the gas tank is almost empty. In this moment, I am so far from my Lord, wallowing in bitterness, forgetting all He has done for me and using every negative thing as fuel for my fire of annoyance.
Two separate mornings. Two completely opposite mind sets. You could even argue two different women! Sadly, no. I must admit to both experiences. During those moments of beauty it is so easy to respond appropriately. But when my nerves are shot, human nature leads me to react rather than respond. Thankfully, even when I seem to swing from one extreme to another with the efficiency of a pendulum, God is always faithful, the eternal solid Rock that won’t be moved. (Isaiah 26:4) No matter what the circumstance, no matter how complicated or fear laden the situation, no matter the weather or the difficulty or the cost, He is always "the same; yesterday, today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8) Undeserving as I am, He pours out His grace daily. On a tranquil breeze, or in the bite of freezing rain, His faithfulness is a constant.
Teach me, Lord, to not gauge my response on "feel good" emotions. Teach me also to temper my reactions to the things that inconvenience me. Let me see your hand in every situation, not just the lovely, but the character challenging as well. Let me praise you in all things and learn to be faithful as You are faithful.
